So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
