my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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