i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
