i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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