I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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