i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
