just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
