you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Pants are for mortals
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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