Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
