New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
