Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
