My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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