My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
