OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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