This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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