; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
she was so not down for the gang bang
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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