Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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