Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
