life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
