Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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