Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I have post one night stand depression
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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