So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
We had to coat check the pizza.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
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