It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
