dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I enjoy the company of your penis
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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