dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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