Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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