Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
