Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
