Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
