if you like me you must not know who I am
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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