First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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