Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
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Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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