she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize