Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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