super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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