:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
