what day is it and did you see me today?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
