Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
