I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
