apparently the secret to your success is patron
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
