she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
