My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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