My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
