On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
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I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
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I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
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