I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
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Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
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And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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