If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize
