it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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