guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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