Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
