I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
