pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
