"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I will pee on everything he values.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
