Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
