his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
