My first STD was from a foam party
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
now i know why i became what i already was.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
