I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
