Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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