Non-Jews are for practice
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
