somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
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The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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