shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
