Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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