Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
