best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
